I don’t just cut myself when I’m feeling depressed, I do it because I ENJOY it. I love the cold sting. I love seeing that bead of blood grow and grow then slide down my arm. My eyes go wide and manic and I smile viciously. I feel so powerful. So in control. I get angry when my scars fade and replace them. I become almost aroused when I find some beautifully sharp object. I love the pain. I think more than anything.